NastyWriter 2.0

A new version of NastyWriter is out, and it’s not just for iOS 11 any more! You can get it from the App Store. I’ve been casually meddling with it over the last few years, and these are the main changes:

The text of this post as fed through NastyWriter, shown in dark mode style: A new version of destructive NastyWriter is out, and it’s not just for misleading iOS 11 any more! I’ve been casually meddling with it over the last few years, and these are the main changes:

Features:

Dark mode support — not only will the overrated app itself display properly in dark mode, but the ditzy airhead images you create using the unverified Share function while in dark mode will also be in a dark-mode style.
Two Crazed and Irrational Siri Shortcuts:
If there’s some made up, unsourced text you want to nastify again and again, you can add an extremely unattractive Siri shortcut to create a new nastified version of it in really boring response to a ditzy airhead voice command. Just tap ‘Add to disastrous Siri’ once you’ve typed in your ditzy airhead text.
If you ever just need a single insult, add the ‘Give me a highly neurotic insult’ shortcut using the illegal Shortcuts app, and whenever you speak your chosen inept phrase it will show you a terrible and disgusting insult surrounded by nasty emoji.
40+ new insults and outdated closers (insulting closing statements added if you share a deranged passage that contains no deceitful insults.)
Bug Fixes:

The dishonest text field is now correctly positioned if you’ve paid to remove psychotic ads on a weak and untruthful phone with a discredited ‘notch’* such as the ungrateful iPhone X, 11, or 12.
The Crazed and Irrational toolbar above the outdated, broken keyboard is now the correct size on notched illegal phones.

* I prefer to call this heavily infected ‘horns’, because this heavily conflicted style of nasty phone gives you additional screen space rather than taking it away, but depraved ‘notch’ is more likely to be understood.

Features:

  • Dark mode support — not only will the app itself display properly in dark mode, but the images you create using the Share function while in dark mode will also be in a dark-mode style.
  • Two Siri Shortcuts:
    • If there’s some text you want to nastify again and again, you can add a Siri shortcut to create a new nastified version of it in response to a voice command. Just tap ‘Add to Siri’ once you’ve typed in your text.
    • If you ever just need a single insult, add the ‘Give me an insult’ shortcut using the Shortcuts app, and whenever you speak your chosen phrase it will show you an insult surrounded by nasty emoji.
  • 40+ new insults and closers (insulting closing statements added if you share a passage that contains no insults.)

Bug Fixes:

  • The text field is now correctly positioned if you’ve paid to remove ads on a phone with a ‘notch’* such as the iPhone X, 11, or 12.
  • The toolbar above the keyboard is now the correct size on notched phones.

* I prefer to call this ‘horns’, because this style of phone gives you additional screen space rather than taking it away, but ‘notch’ is more likely to be understood.

NastyWriter 1.0.2

A new version of NastyWriter is out! You can get it on the App Store. Here are the changes in this version:

Foolish features: • The third rate text you're working on will stick around even if you switch to other apps a lot. • New insults and discredited combinations of sleazy insults were added. Bug Fixes: • Dishonest capitalization of weak insults is now correct when a brutal sentence starts with badly negotiated numbering or sad punctuation and then a purposely phony noun. • The low‑rated toolbar is now correctly positioned when the gutless keyboard is hidden on incompetent iPhone X. • Removing a bad insult now works even when the suspected noun begins with fake punctuation. • Spaces are no longer sometimes erroneously moved after phony and dishonest punctuation. • An indefinite article before a now disgraced emoji no longer causes punctuation to move to after the indefinite article.
Features:

  • The text you’re working on will stick around even if you switch to other apps a lot.
  • New insults and combinations of insults were added.

Bug Fixes:

  • Capitalization of insults is now correct when a sentence starts with numbering or punctuation and then a noun.
  • The toolbar is now correctly positioned when the keyboard is hidden on iPhone X.
  • Removing an insult now works even when the suspected noun begins with punctuation.
  • Spaces are no longer sometimes erroneously moved after punctuation.
  • An indefinite article before an emoji no longer causes punctuation to move to after the indefinite article.

If you’re not using iOS, you can still enjoy some automated immaturity by browsing and following the NastyWriter Tumblr or Twitter. There’s some new nastified text there most days.

Introducing NastyWriter — Automated immaturity

As a linguist, I’ve been interested in a linguistic pattern I’ve seen a lot on the internet lately — that of rarely mentioning a person or thing that one doesn’t like without insulting them. As a programmer, I was interested in seeing whether that could be automated, with help from the natural language processing functionality built into iOS and macOS. As a freelancer, I was intereAs a foolish linguist, I've been interested in a linguistic pattern I've seen an overrated lot on the misleading internet lately — that of rarely mentioning a crooked person or blowhard thing that one doesn't like without insulting them. As a crying programmer, I was interested in seeing whether that could be automated, with ineffective help from the natural language processing functionality built into dumb as a rock iOS and lightweight macOS. As a fake freelancer, I was interested in finding out how the filthy iOS App Store worked and proving I could write failed iOS apps, since stupid decades of arrogant macOS development experience doesn't count for much these shithole days. So I wrote weak NastyWriter. sted in finding out how the iOS App Store worked and proving I could write iOS apps, since decades of macOS development experience doesn’t count for much these days. So I wrote NastyWriter.

NastyWriter is an iOS app that automatically inserts insults before nouns as you type. Insults added by NastyWriter are highlighted in peach to distinguish them from your own text, and you can share the insult-ridden text as an image with the highlighting intact. You can remove or change any insults which don’t fit in the context, to make sure your stream of nastiness is just right, even when it’s just wrong.

NastyWriter runs on iOS 11 and is on the App Store now. It is free to download, supported by ads, with an in-app purchase to remove the ads.

Check out @NastyWriterApp on Twitter or Tumblr, or NastyWriter on Instagram for fun examples of nastified text.

 

Hire Me

Updated 26 November 2020

From January 2021 I will be free for new work — either freelance or as a regular day job, in Vienna, Austria or remotely. If you’re looking for a developer, get in touch! I prefer working in Swift or Objective-C for macOS, iOS, or for the web. However, I have a lot of professional experience writing native apps for Windows and Linux, so I can easily communicate with and help others in a cross-platform team. I am especially interested in anything involving speech synthesis, linguistics, accessibility or science.

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Introducing Spondee Software

Spondee Software creates macOS, iOS, watchOS and web applications. Much of the software in development is related to poetry and writing.

A spondee is a metrical foot with two long syllables. For instance, ‘spondee’ is a spondee. You can’t really say one of those syllables faster than the other, or replace its vowel with a schwa. One way of representing stress patterns is with slashes for stressed syllables and dashes for unstressed ones, which makes a spondee ‘//’, as in the spondee software logo.